So Starman looked at the substance (as opposed to the style) of the preceding post. He said, happily, "I don't see what the problem is -- that's Michaels, showing spades and a minor, so you bid two no trump showing that you have minors."
That's the titular unusual two no trump, in fact. Which is cool, but not applicable, as I don't have both minors. Go back and check. I'll wait.
Okay, got it?
I went through all this with Starman (who would only make a Michaels cue bid when I actually HAD spades; he's that kind of partner) (although, now that I think about it, he bid three no trump the other night after a Jacoby transfer, and he had a singleton in a side suit -- I was not amused! -- so maybe he very rarely is that kind of partner), who finally said that he guessed you had to bid two spades and just take your medicine.
Not an entirely satisfactory answer. Anything better out there?